Monday, March 14, 2011

Red Riding Hood

pooor almo draft house.

i am in the state of texas, and was taken to the almo draft house, a really neat theater that serves you food during the movie. really, really good food that covers the bad taste of this poor, poor movie.

movie makers i think sometimes have this problem where they have really major movies going on, and they make another movie on the side with their attentions divided unequally. visually, the movie can be pretty stunning. everything else.....

it goes from summer to winter in a day, the main character constantly pulls a knife on the wrong people, the acting was stiff.....

if you like bad movies, wait till it shows up on netflicks.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


John's best quip:
She's a saint.
Our Lady of the Burger King.

runner up:
Jennifer Anniston only boinks the mad.

watching this movie is watching the beginning of "quirky", but instead of very skillfully constructed quilt such as the royal tenenbaums, this movie more a very large blanket pieced together with hair, teeth, and magazine pictures with the eyes gouged out on a mental ward.

i think the film makers wanted to show at absolute love, a love that would go anywhere. instead, we are treated to a love that at best, seems like it was held back a year for eating wall "candy." maybe it would have worked, had the main actor (a definitive "hey its that guy") not taking manly acting cues from sling blade.

okie. so that's acceptable. boy meets girl at work, follows her to her homestate, then goes back home. movie should end with girl realizing boy is for her, and happily ever after.

oh no, this movie gives us meth teeth woody harrison who goes by the moniker jango. an ex punk who owns an upscale mansion in washington state while looking and maintaining friends who look like skinheads.

after various parachuting, romantic warbling of 'i feel like making love" outside a house, father son bonding, volleyball with monks, the movie finally ends in a predictable way.

maybe this is big in france?


[1:20 PM] Beth: seriously
[1:20 PM] Beth: how the fuck can we explain this
[1:20 PM] Beth: you cant

... I am here to try to explain the film Management, but the truth is, Bee is correct. I can't find even a single thread of sanity within it. I will instead offer a few of the highlights:

When Mike (Zahn) and Sue (Anniston) meet at the beginning, she goes to stay at the motel he works at. He weasels his way in with a bottle of wine he claims is complimentary for all guests, then begins aggressively pestering her about where she works, lives, etc. On the second night, he tries it again with champagne and she asks him, flat out, if this ever works. He says, "... Not really." She asks him what would constitute it 'working': if he wants to have sex, touch her butt, whatever.

Mike says that touching her butt would work, so she says he may, as long as he leaves right after. Sue then bends right over on the nightstand and presents her ass. He sticks his hand on it and they share a long, uncomfortable moment talking about her work. Then she kicks him out.

She goes to leave... then, inexplicably, stops, turns around, and has sex with him in the laundry room. Then she leaves again, wishy washy about whether she'll come back.

Mike begins your standard rom-com stalkerfest: he calls her drunkenly, then buys a one way plane ticket to her city and accosts her at work.

Except it turns really weird.

Their attempts to make Sue all saintly range from over the top to bizarre:
  • She's fixated on recycling, actively complaining about her inability to recycle a wine bottle. (Stock)
  • Takes pains to point out the energy efficient light bulbs in her home. (Stock, I think.)
  • She hands out Burger King vouchers to the homeless. This is actually one of the movie's only funny moments: not even the homeless guys want the BK veggie burger. (WTF)
  • Her mom 'sells insurance to the deaf.' (WTF)
Mike's antics also move from stock rom-com to... just what the heck:
  • Writes her bad poetry. (Stock.)
  • Shows up outside her window and plays terrible music. (Sadly stock.)
  • Gets a wacky Asian sidekick to help him out. (Shame on you, movie. But sadly stock.)
  • Puts up missing person posters for her when she moves, and he can no longer stalk her effectively. (Creepy weird.)
  • Parachutes into her fiance's house. (WTF)
  • Becomes a Buddhist monk when she finally rejects him. (WTF)
Also, the rival for Sue's affections, Jango (Woody Harrelson, obviously enjoying himself)
  • Is an 'ex punk' who is now an organic yogurt magnate (WTF)
  • When Mike parachutes into their pool, Jango fires a BB assault rifle at Mike. He refuses to stop when Sue gets in the way, even managing to wing her. It was a display of very Woody style madness. (WTF)
  • Puts on a glove, quite carefully, before headbutting Mike later (ROFL)
So... yeah.

In closing, I don't know what to say about this movie, and that means it earns the coveted rating of WTF++.